Tuesday, July 13, 2010

I am Thanatophobic

Do you have a phobia? As far as I know, every person has his or her own phobia. It may be one, two or even more. And for the past seventeen years that I've been existing here on Earth, I've, at least, recognized my phobias. Now I ask you... what and where are you afraid of? In short, what are your phobias?

I've thought of writing something about phobias since me and my friend have been actually talking about it yesterday. The specific topic was about the recent happenings, wherein she has noticed that a lot of her friends' and acquaintances' boyfriends passed away (prayers for them). And so the idea about my phobia has popped into my mind. It's because my phobia has something to do with death and other details related to it, such as cemeteries, coffins and dead people. I won't deny, it makes my knees shake and there came a time wherein I had some kind of paranoia about some nightmares and about the idea of death. Yes, I'm so scared about the said talk. I fear of dying and talking about death. According to what I have researched, I am Thanatophobic. It's the name of the phobia related I actually don't want to hear anything related to it. Perhaps I would have to cite too that last year, I had a somewhat traumatic state wherein I always cry to my mom and tell her I'm afraid to die, without a concrete reason for actually saying it. It's because I often had nightmares and night terrors, and even had dreams related to the said creepy thing. Until now, there are times wherein I randomly get scared and think about it. It's like I tell my mom, "I'm scared", then I cry. I tell her "Naiisip ko pa din", then she knows what I actually mean. Even my little sister. She knows what I mean whenever I tell those words to her. They comfort me whenever my phobia strikes me out of nowhere. I don't know. Before, there are times where I find it hard to sleep, and the things that I'm afraid to happen goes into my mind. That makes me cry and later on, I call my mom's name and wake her up early in the morning, I guess about 1 to 3 in the morning. At present, I'm glad that I've conquered my trauma with it, although from time to time I still think of it randomly. I'm so scared even with the least thoughts about it, and seriously, I don't want to talk about it. For now, I'm just sharing it since I remembered it a while ago.

My mom told me before that almost all people have weird thoughts about death. But then in my case, I find it hard to resist the thoughts about it that randomly goes into my mind. Whenever I've thought of it, I want to shout and make a tearful outburst in my mom or to whomever would surely understand me. At certain moments, it bothers me. Whenever that happens, I'm sure that people would see me shaking my head in denial again and again. Meaning, a big NO NO! I'm actually having the old thoughts about my phobia. But since I'm the kind of person who takes everything positively, I combat those thoughts with laughs and a happy mood. Yet, I would bravely admit that sometimes it does not work. That indeed, would prove that it is my weakness. That's why it's called my phobia. :|

Aside from that, I don't have any other significant phobias. It's the only thing that makes me go crazily gaga. I become a totally different me whenever the talk transforms into something that has to do with it. Every single detail, I swear, is a curse. I know it is inevitable that all of us would face it someday, but then I don't want to talk about it. PERIOD. I know it may sound weird, but at least I'm honest about it. After all, every one of us has one or more. But for me, I can say that for now, it's the only phobia I have.
I know that it may be hard for someone like me to overcome this kind of phobia. Some live by it even till they grow old, and never get the chance of conquering it. For me, I pin all my hopes that someday in my life, I'd be able to get over thoughts of it. As of now, these thought may bother me at times, yet I try to take it lightly. I'm thankful that I have people in my life that makes my life happier and more colorful. I know that as long as I put my trust to the one above, I will never be the under card. :)

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Feeling lawyer? Why not?

June 15, 2010
Tuesday
12:02 AM

It's exactly 12:02 AM right now. I thought of typing a blog, since I had a long sleep about eight (8) hours ago. Obviously, I would find it hard to sleep tonight, I mean, this morning since it's already Tuesday morning. It's funny to think that I should wake up early tomorrow for my classes at about 11 AM, but then what am I doing right now? Well, I guess I just can't keep myself from blogging right now, as I believe that when you feel like doing one, don't ever try to postpone it. The delay would cause you a big disappointment, since there are tendencies for you to forget what you have in your mind and would probably then regret for not writing it immediately. I know it, 'cause I've encountered such feeling almost a hundred times. That's the main reason why my blogs for this year hasn't reached 25! (hahaha!) Most people don't know that in a day, I can be able to make more than ten (10) blogs, but that would happen only if my busy schedule permits me to. Especially for these days, I couldn't be certain about being able to make blogs daily. It saddens me, but then I have to focus in my studies. Everyday, new challenges are added. And of course, putting efforts on making a blog daily adds up to those challenges. Sad to say, this is my THIRD blog for the month of June. But then I'm trying to work on it, knowing that writing and composing different stuffs including blogging has a special place in my heart. **oh!** Lem`me tell you about what happened this day...

A few hours ago, I've been working on with my book about the Philippine Constitution. Everytime I hold that book in my hands, I remember that long time ago, I dreamt of being a well-known lawyer. Back then, I have dreamt of being a Public Attorney so as to help the victims of injustice who does not have enough money to file their cases. And after spending a few minutes in reminiscing those old times, I decided to open the book and read. First, I went through the topic that my group and I will be reporting in my subject "Politics and Governance". After making an outline, I decided to read more, even those that are not included in our report. I found it enjoying, and so I continued reading. After some time, I paused. It's because I realized that I seem to have brought back being a bookworm. Since before, I love reading. But then that hobby somehow changed for some weird yet valid reasons. I won't elaborate. But then I felt good reading that book. I felt like Im taking Law. I enjoyed my special moment, assuming that I was really a law student reviewing for the Board Exams. It may seem funny, but it's true. Durng those few hours, I was able to satisfy myself and make belief that I was reading and seating inside my own Law Firm. How ambitious, right? **clap clap**

I can say that this is the highlight of the day. Though I'm taking up a business course right now, I'm not closing my doors for any opportunity that may come my way in the next years. I have a lot of plans. Who knows? I may want to pursue being a lawyer someday, although being a lawyer is only one of my desired "future me" since I was a child. For the upcoming blogs, I might be talking about my answers in the famous "What do you want to be when you grow up?" question when I was still a child. All I want to say is that I'm happy today because for me, I was Atty. Gem. :) **laugh, giggles and kiss**

Sweetly blogging this morning,
~gem :] -- Attorney Gem :]]
^^, haha!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

A not-so-perfect Multi-colored M&M story

“A not-so-perfect Multi-colored M&M story”
by Gemmie Valle

Seventeen years has past, a little girl was born. She was the first child in both sides of which she was from.

But then there was still something missing, a dad who’ll treat her as his only darling. The little girl was fond of kiddie stories and only spoke words in English, not until she reached Elementary. Time ran so fast, and the girl who loved fantasies seemed to have written her own life story. Puppy loves, petty fights, fairytales of her own delight – all of these has took away her fright, to the world that was somehow strange to her sight.

Many people have crossed her way. Some came and made her happy, but some came to her dismay. She made new friends, explored new places, and learned new stuffs. No matter how difficult life was, she never really stops. Belonged to the top students in her graduation, grounded she remained. Very grateful she was, for never has she failed. Happiness she felt and to God above she prayed, “Thank you so much Lord, I’m one of those You made”.

And just after some time, a new level has begun. The grand High School stairwell is where she stepped upon. Knowledge is her armor, yet perseverance is her sword. And above all the trials, she never forgot the Lord. A lot of first times happened since a new stage taken place. So many transformations were reflected on her face. The little girl who often wants to play, grew up with dreams in mind and went glad along the way.

Secondary education taught her a lot in four years. Sleepless nights and school works has developed her skills. She also learned to conquer some of her greatest fears in life. High School life, she said, was indeed worth the strife.

Then the time has come for the four years journey to end. Expressions of gratitude she made to people with whom those four years were spent. Unstoppable tears and woes were heard around the place. On every one’s faces, courage and a pinch of hurt can be traced.Even if cries and good-byes have been said to old friends, these didn’t mean that happiness has really came to an end.New people have come to her life after some time. She entered college, and everything turned out fine.

What a wonderful chance, for an excellent school girl she’s become. She thanked God so much, for the great blessing she has. Topping the class and having good grades, through these simple ways, thanking God she has made.

Now she looks forward to excel in her studies, for she dreams to improve the lifestyle of her family. She aims today that someday she would graduate, with flying colors and enter success’ gate.

And all of these, is my multi-colored M&M life story. A sweet sugar-coated life for Gemmie.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Anim na pisong simangot =(

Naisipan kong isulat ang blog na ito sa wikang Filipino. Ito ang akmang gamitin upang mailabas ko ang saloobin ko tungkol sa isang Pilipinong-Pilipinong gawi sa araw-araw na pamumuhay. At dahil Pinoy ako (kung saan proud ako), may pakialam ako sa bawat nagaganap sa aking kapaligiran. At kung minsan, may mga bagay-bagay na sadyang tumatatak sa ating isipan. Naaapektuhan ako. Bakit? Sisimulan kong magkwento...

Halos araw-araw akong sumasakay sa sasakyang "originally from the Philippines"... Ano ito? Siyempre, ang walang kupas na Jeepney, o for short e JEEP. 'Di ko masasabing araw-araw, 'pagkat kung minsan ay naglalakad na lamang ako papuntang eskwelahan. 'Yun nga lang, sa mga panahong ito kung saan halos araw-araw na naitatalang "Hottest Day" dahil sa pataas nang pataas ang temperatura, wala 'kong choice kundi ang mag-jeep araw-araw. Hayy! Nakakapawis, 'di ba? Pero anyway, katulad nga ng sabi ko, walang kupas ang Jeep. Karamay na nating mga Pilipino, umaraw man o umulan. Syempre, nariyan din ang walang kupas na si Manong Jeepney Driver. Kapag walang barker (yung taong taga-tawag ng pasahero), siya na mismo ang mauulinigan mong sumisigaw ng Ah-tara-tara.. aalis na... Oh di ba? Kung Pinoy ka, mage-gets mo ang karaniwang tono ng mga salitang 'yon. Nakabisado ko na nga ang mga sinasabi nila sa paulit-ulit na rutang kanilang tinatahak sa araw-araw. Nakakatuwa kung iisipin. Iyon ay tatak ng kanilang kasipagan at pagpupursige upang mamuhay sa marangal na paraan. Todo smile pa nga si Manong para lamang makaakit ng mga pasahero at bumiyahe na sa kanyang ruta.Ngunit sa kabilang banda, may isang anggulo akong napansin na 'di ko ikinatuwa. Kinukulagan ako. Naiinis. Naiirita kung minsan. Gusto kong sumabog sa nagngingitngit kong pagtutol sa mga kapwa ko pasahero na sumisimangot, umiirap at nagtataray kapag ipinaabot mo na ang bayad mo. Sa isang tulad kong nais na hangga't maaari'y huwag makaabala ng ibang tao, nagpapasalamat ako sa tuwing may malugod na nag-aabot ng aking anim na pisong bayad. Baryang aking inilaan na pambayad sa pag-ikot ng manibela at pagbuga ng usok ng tambutso ng jeep patungo sa aking eskwelahan. Ngunit katawa-tawang isipin, o kung minsa'y nakakairita, na may iba pang gamit ang anim na pisong aking iniabot. Ito'y nakabibili rin pala ng simangot. Akalain mong sa loob ng jeep kung saan halos sardinas na ang mga tao, may ilang naiinis kapag nagpaabot ka ng bayad. Isang kunot sa noo, "tsk" na sinahugan pa ng pag-irap. Para sa'kin, natural na lamang ang magpaabot ng bayad lalo na kung puno ang jeep. Sino ba namang magtatangkang tumayo pa at solong lumapit sa drayber para lamang iabot ang bayad habang ang iba'y nagsisiksikang nakaupo? 'DI ba't mas malaking abala 'yun? Ewan ko ba kung bakit 'di 'yun maisip ng mga taong naiinis sa tuwing magpapaabot ang mga kapwa pasahero ng kanilang bayad. Aba, 'di naman 'ata tama 'yun. Eh, kung 'di mo tanggap ang pangkaraniwang pag-aabot ng bayad sa jeep, bakit 'di ka nalang bumili ng sarili mong "OWNER"? Oh, edi 'di ka na maaabala? Hayy naku, talaga nga naman oh!

'Di naman sa nagpapaka-critic ako. 'Yun lang naman ang aking napapansin, at nababahala ako dahil dito. Hindi kasi magandang tingnan ang ganoong kaugalian ng ibang tao, lalo pa't trademark nating mga Pilipino ang JEEP. Anim na piso lamang ba ang halaga ng mga simangot, 11 lines sa noo at pagkainis sa kapwa? Hindi magandang pakinggan, 'di ba? Dapat itong baguhin habang hindi pa huli ang lahat. At bilang mga kapwa-pasahero sa iba, marapatin nating magpasalamat sa mga taong nag-aabot ng ating bayad at sukli sa jeep, nang hindi ka mabigyan ng ANIM NA PISONG SIMANGOT.

May ngiti,
Gem ^^,