This is like a purgatorial state. We try to patch up things in the glorious attempt of having something better than what we used to have. I clearly see the ambiguity and uncertainty in this. Pretty ironic, huh?
We cannot simply rely on time to do everything for us - I believe we don't have enough of that. We got to work for something if we really want it. But the questions then strikes, "What do we really want?" I'm often reminded of the storyline that's about to be revealed in a couple weeks. There is a weird mix of agony and wonderment in the thought of you going away too soon for some time to chase your dreams and I was willing to wait simply because I love you. Another sad thing is that I'm not even sure if you're gonna be there on my birthday this year.
So yeah. I think I got to lessen giving in to my whims of doing things for a person. Not that they deserve having less, but to give it to them as a sweet kind of "incentive" in case things would finally fall into place.
I need to stop myself from putting (exceedingly, beyond) too much efforts for someone. I often end up being with someone who has major doubts whether they could reciprocate and I'm like, hello I'm not asking for anything. If someone really means to you, you would eventually end up reciprocating in the ways that you can. Naturally. Without any doubt or hesitation. It should be in sweet existence because why not?
I just think I'm being hard on myself. Having too much heartburns recently does not help at all as well. I need to stop a little. I'm just giving myself grace.